So I have a difficult story to share with you. Some of the stories I share on this podcast are light and humorous, and others are heavy and serious. And that’s what life is about, is it not? It’s not always fun and games. Sometimes we need to go through some heavy or difficult times in order to get through the other side of those experiences, but hopefully, if you are Emotionally Equipped you can do so with a sense of calm, ease, and flow.
So, let me share with you the story.
A few days ago I received a Whatsapp video which was a snippet from a local news TV show showing two men who were brutally attacked with knives while at the beach. These two men were actually brothers, around the ages of 18 and 20, and they live down the road from where I live in a village called Bir El Maksor. Their names are Mohammed and Ammar Diab. They happen to be Bedouin and they serve in the Israeli Defense Forces, but they weren’t on duty at the time.
While the attackers have yet to be caught, it is understood that the two men who attacked these brothers spoke Hebrew. That is to say, the evidence that we have as of now points to the fact that this was most likely a hate crime. That these brothers were speaking Arabic and the attackers heard them speaking Arabic and stabbed them in their heads and on their bodies and beat them with iron chains simply because they are Arabs. They were slashed repeatedly and were in the hospital for a week. They are now recovering – both emotionally and physically – at home.
So, I received this Whatsapp video, which was sent to my entire community, and I clicked on it to see what the video was about. I was horrified. While there weren’t many more details other than what I already shared with you, just the mere fact that citizen against citizen was enough to turn my stomach.
For those of you who don’t know, Israel is made up of a variety of people including Jews, Christians, Muslims, Bedouin, Druze, Bahaii, and more. The Bedouins are a subgroup within the Arab minority. They make up about 3% of the Israeli population. Historically, they have been nomadic tribes and they have a deep loyalty to whatever land they are in.
One of the most sensitive issues for the Bedouin minority is the army service. In Israel, the Jewish citizens, both men and women, are obligated to do a 2.5 year army service. My daughter actually will be enlisted in just a few weeks. Israeli Arabs, on the other hand, are exempt. But, since the beginning of the State of Israel, a significant number of Bedouin have traditionally volunteered to serve in the IDF as a sign of their loyalty to the country.
Not that any of that really matters. Such hate crimes are beyond reproach. The attackers should be held accountable, although it seems that they have yet to be found.
A couple of days ago I joined a group of Jewish people from the area who went to visit these two young men and their family. It was a difficult, but important visit. They said they cried out to the attackers in Hebrew that they are soldiers serving in the IDF, but the violent youth did not care.
During the visit, the parents of the two boys sat quietly in tears while family and friends more fluent in Hebrew spoke with the group on their behalf and translated what was being said in Hebrew into Arabic. After some relatives spoke, our group was asked to introduce ourselves, one by one, tell them where each of us comes from, and anything else we would like to add.
And this is where I started to get stuck. Because I’m not a big fan of these sharing circle things. Believe it or not, I’m an introvert. I tend to be quiet. And I don’t like the attention being on me when it comes to social events like this.
So, the sharing began and I felt a sense of relief when I realized I was going to be towards the end of the line of shares, which meant I had some time to prepare. I’m just really not good with these spontaneous moments for sharing – I always feel like I talk for too long, or I say the wrong thing, or I sound stupid. Definitely stuck thoughts worth investigating into.
And so while I was being attentive and listening when the others were sharing, I noticed myself getting nervous and I decided to use my tools to get me through this difficult moment, as I know I can’t always depend on my own mind – because it often works against me in situations like this. But, I can always use my tools because they work when you use them.
I decided to walk myself through The CLEAR Way.
C – I practiced calm. I took some more mindful breaths.
L – Lighten. I lightened the heavy thought in my head from “I know I’m going to look or sound stupid” to “I may not look or sound stupid.”
E – Expect. I hoped I would come across as being articulate – as Hebrew isn’t my first language, nor is it theirs. I also hoped my words would really connect with and really impact the family.
A – Accept. I radically accepted the possibility that I wouldn’t come across as articulate and that my words would have no impact. I accepted this in advance so that if it came to fruition, I wouldn’t get stuck because I already accepted it in advance.
R – I decided to take responsibility for being Loving. To me, a loving person speaks from her heart. And in fact, a loving person doesn’t even have to use words to show her love. She can give a hug instead.
The thought was a bit uncomfortable for me, and a bit daring, but I committed to being loving and so that was what I would do.
When my turn came I said, “Ismi Shira,” I am Shira, in Arabic. “Ana Sackne b’Hannaton.” I live in Hannaton. That was the extent of my Arabic, after having taken 6 introductory classes so far. And then, instead of going on with words, I simply said, “May I hug the mother?”
The mom was sitting on the other side of the circle from me, slightly behind the row of men in front of her. I got up and walked towards her, but she signaled to me she didn’t want a hug. I didn’t know what to do because I was committed to being loving, and so I gave her the benefit of the doubt that what she meant was that she didn’t want to get up from her chair. I asked again with my hands, “May I hug you?”
I didn’t get a clear response, and so I bent down and gave her a hug. And at first, it felt awkward because she didn’t react. But I didn’t move. I just stayed there and committed to being loving. And then all of the sudden she started to whimper. And the whimpers turned into a light cry and then she really just gave herself permission to let it out. And while the initial hug was very one-sided at first, she suddenly reciprocated and hugged me back.
And I just stayed hugging her. She wasn’t letting go, so I didn’t initiate the end of the hug. It felt like a long time that we were hugging – and while at one point I did have an awkward thought that the entire circle was just staring at us, maybe even uncomfortably, I let go of that thought because I had committed to being loving, and so I stayed in integrity with who I said I was going to be. I actually started tearing up as I continued to hug this mother, thinking about my daughter who is about to enter the army in a few weeks, and my son in a few years. What she was going through was unimaginable to me.
After several minutes the embrace ended and I walked back to my seat. And I felt good about what I did, even though it felt awkward. And what made me feel even better was seeing that my small gesture opened her up to receiving more embraces from some of the other women present. Once the sharing circle was over and people started to get ready to leave, one of my friends went over to the mother as well and placed her arm around her while she stayed seated in her chair. The mother buried her face in my friend’s belly. And she wouldn’t let go. The mother, that is. While it was incredibly painful to watch, I felt so grateful that she had an outlet to release her pain and anger, and frustration.
I have to say, there were a lot of men at this event. And there was a lot of talking – which can be wonderful and positive, but sometimes, just sometimes, no words are necessary. And a simple embrace or a hug or even the touch of a hand can be more powerful than the best-spoken words.
So my dear friends, when was the last time you had to enter into an uncomfortable situation like the one I did? And where may you consider giving a hug or taking responsibility for being loving even if it means going out of your comfort zone? What would that look like for you? I’d love to hear from you if you do. Please share a comment below!